TOXIC POSITIVITY IS REAL

Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is my belief that people should look positively on all experiences, even the most tragic.

Toxic positivity can overshadow negative emotions, reduce sadness and make people feel compelled to fake happiness even when things are difficult.

In some cases, it can be self-selected. For example, a person may always try to appear happy by portraying everything in a positive light. But it can also be external pressure, such as when a grieving person is encouraged to move on or to seek something positive in their loss.

Often, those who practice toxic positivity sincerely believe they are helping and encouraging a person in need. But in reality, toxic positivity ignores the person's real and legitimate feelings.

Why is toxic positivity isn’t good for you

Shameful

Forcing people to see pain in a positive light encourages them to keep their problems quiet.

Many of us don't want to be doubted or seen as "bad." So when faced with the choice between a) being brave and honest or b) pretending that everything is fine, it's tempting to choose the latter.

Shame is one of the most unpleasant emotions that can weigh on the human psyche. Often, we are not even aware that we feel shame.

Repressed emotions

Several psychological studies have shown that hiding or denying emotions can increase pressure on the body and make it harder to avoid painful thoughts and feelings (see here, here, and here).

Minimize the loss

It is normal to feel sad and upset about the loss of a loved one. A person who constantly hears messages that life is moving on or that he or she is happy may think that others do not care about his or her loss. For example, a parent who has lost a child may feel that the child is not important to others, which adds to the grief.

Communication problems

Every relationship has its problems. Toxic positivity encourages people to ignore these problems and focus on the positive. This approach can hinder communication and the ability to solve problems in the relationship.

Low self-esteem

Negative emotions affect everyone from time to time. Toxic positivity encourages people to ignore negative emotions, which can be reinforced by repression. If someone cannot feel positive, he or she is likely to fail.

How to deal with toxic positivity

1.    Avoid ignoring or hiding your feelings.

2.    Acknowledge your feelings and feel all your emotions, both good and bad. Sit with them. If you avoid your feelings, you only prolong the pain.

3.    Listen to and consider the other person's feelings, even if they are different from your own.

4.    Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Don't shame others for their feelings.

5.    It is important to understand that other people may see things differently from you.

6.    Recognize that strong negative emotions often coincide with strong positive emotions, for example when deep sadness equals strong love.